


The Gift

by Higgles123



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief, Sad, Stillbirth, baby loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29464056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123
Summary: WARNING: This short one shot does feature a still birth and therefore might not be something people want to read. However, I am never one to shy away from writing about the horrifically sad things that happen in life and this just pretty much wrote itself without me even realising.
Relationships: Arthur Shelby/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	The Gift

Arthur covered his ears in the hopes it could drown out the sound that was assaulting his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut and screamed without any noise as the most heart wrenching wail echoed throughout the hospital corridor. It was a sound so raw that it pierced his very soul and he fell to the floor in devastation. He was vaguely aware of arms wrapping themselves around him and a familiarly comforting smell enveloped his aura. Minutes passed or maybe it was only really seconds, but when he felt brave enough to open his eyes he found his brother’s looking back him.

“I’m sorry, brother," Tommy murmured, his jaw tense and his blue orbs sad.

“It’s me, Tommy,” Arthur’s voice cracked. “I told her to stay away from me. I told her that I was fucking poison and that I hurt everything I touch, but she just kept coming back. I’m a weak man. I should have kept on pushing her away but I love her too much.”

“Arthur, you can’t blame yourself,” Tommy sighed. “This isn’t your fault.”

“It is,” Arthur hissed angrily, his face reddening. “I’ve done terrible things and I’m being punished for it now. God, or whatever the fuck is up there, has killed my baby because in retaliation for all of the awful things I’ve done. He’s took my son just like I’ve taken countless sons from countless mothers.”

“No,” Tommy grabbed Arthur by the face. “You stop that. Don’t you dare do that. Your wife, that woman you claim to love, is in there holding your sleeping son in her arms and you have the audacity to sit here and make this all about you. What has she ever done wrong, eh? Not a fucking thing, that’s what, and I refuse to believe that God would punish her for your faults. You pull yourself together man and you be there for your wife because she needs you more than ever now, Arthur.”

“I can’t, Tommy,” Arthur cried almost pitifully. “I can’t go in there and see what I’ve caused her.”

“You can, Arthur. You can and you fucking will because that’s the least she deserves,” Tommy growled.

Tommy was correct; Arthur knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier. He could still hear the sobs coming from the room just down the hallway and they tore his heart into pieces. Less than an hour ago they had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of their first child and now their world was shattered. Arthur closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath; the image of his son with beautiful auburn hair like his mother and the most beautiful full pouty lips was seared into his brain. He had been perfect and Arthur’s life taking hands were aching to hold him, but he knew that he couldn’t tarnish that sleeping angel by doing so.

Arthur allowed Tommy to walk him to the door and he almost begged him to come in with him, but he knew he had to go in alone. Polly looked up as he entered the room, her tear stained eyes looking at him with sadness, but Arthur barely acknowledged her because his gaze was drawn magnetically to his wife. His beautiful Ruth, the woman who never judged him and always loved him. Her face was riveted to the tiny unmoving bundle in her arms and when Arthur sat down on the beside her, she spoke without even glancing up at him.

“He has your nose,” she whispered, her tears dribbling down her cheeks and onto the baby’s serene face.

“Poor little bugger,” Arthur tried to joke, but his face crumbled and he burst into tears with his face against her wet cheek.

“They’re going to take him soon,” Ruth murmured, cupping Arthur’s cheek gently. “Will you hold him?”

Before he could say no, his hands were moving to take the baby from Ruth’s arms. He was so small; that was Arthur’s first thought, and his second was the hurt that he felt such love for a human who had never even been was something that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

“He needs a name,” Ruth said quietly.

“Gabriel,” Arthur decided immediately. “Like the angel.”

Little Gabriel Shelby was laid to rest only a few days later, and thanks to a considerable sum of money from his uncle, he was afforded a grave of his own instead of the usual mass grave given to babies who were born sleeping. But for Ruth and Arthur Shelby, their grief was far from over. Only a few days after the burial of their son, Ruth hemorrhaged and in order to save her life she had to undergo a hysterectomy. For Arthur and Ruth there would be no more children, and that knowledge and grief would hang over them like an invisible dark cloud.

………………

_Two years later_

Ruth walked through the front door and finally allowed herself to cry. Ada’s new daughter was beautiful. She was a Shelby through and through and while Ruth was happy for her friend and sister-in-law, she couldn’t help the jealously and pain that ate at her too. Over two years had passed since the loss of Gabriel, and while she was able to push her grief aside and go about her life for the majority of the time, being around other people’s babies was like having that wound reopened again. She no longer enjoyed family events like she had in the past and instead she had almost become somewhat of a recluse. She helped Tommy with the accounts and the other legal part of Shelby Ltd, but she avoided the more social side of things if she could help it. Arthur, God bless him, would lie unflinchingly and proclaim that she was feeling unwell or that she was busy with friends, but she knew that the Shelbys weren’t stupid. They knew she just couldn’t face being around the family and the ever growing number of children. But Ada had just given birth and had begged to see her, and even though it hurt like hell, she had gone and met her newest niece for what she hoped would be the only time in a long time.

“Ruth? That you, love?”

She sniffed, wiping hurriedly at her eyes with the back of her hand as she headed into the living room to find Arthur and Tommy sat waiting for her almost expectantly. She smiled, hoping it looked genuine and bent to kiss the top of Arthur’s head. The smile upon her face fell when she heard a mewl come from the dining table, and she frowned when she saw a tiny baby, swaddled in blankets and lying in a Moses basket. She turned to look at her husband inquisitively.

“I have a favour to ask of you,” Tommy answered first, standing up and heading over; an ever present cigarette dangling from his mouth. “This little fella was left on the steps of the children’s home today.”

“Why is he here?” Ruth asked, even as a feeling of dread in her stomach began to answer that question for her.

“Well, the thing is he’s very very tiny and we haven’t really got the space for him yet,” Tommy cleared his throat uncomfortably. “So, I was hoping that you might help look after him while I find alternative care.”

Ruth snorted at the ludicrousness of it. She knew for an absolute fact that Tommy could find a space in one of his homes for the baby at the click of his fingers if he wanted to. She knew exactly what his plan was; what Arthur’s plan was too. After all, every few months Arthur brought up the subject of adopting, only to have the idea swiftly shot down by herself. So, the two of them thought to ambush her and force her into a corner, did they? Well, they could fucking think again.

“No,” she shook her head. “You’ll have to find someone else to look after him because I’m not doing it.”

“Ruth,” Arthur sighed, reaching her hand. “It’s just for a few days until Tommy finds somewhere for him to go. Love, look at him; he’s so little and he needs us.”

“I said no, Arthur,” she growled through gritted teeth. “If you want to look after him then do it, but I want no part of it. I’m sorry.”

Tommy wasn’t surprised by Ruth’s reaction. In fact, he had been expecting it. Scooping up the baby, he eyed him sadly before holding him out to Arthur.

“She’ll come round, Arthur,” he was certain. “Just give her some time. And until then, looks like you’re babysitting alone.”

………………

It was the middle of the night and Ruth couldn’t sleep. She doubted anyone on the street could sleep what with all of the noise coming from the kitchen. Arthur had been up with the baby for almost two hours and the crying didn’t seem to be stopping. She stared up at the ceiling, knowing she should just go down there and help but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t allow herself to get involved.

She heard Arthur launch something across the kitchen and with a sigh she sat up. She wouldn’t hold the baby, she promised herself. She would just guide Arthur somewhat in the hope that it meant they all might get some sleep that night.

Arthur sighed with relief when he saw her in the kitchen doorway. He was exhausted and losing his temper. He had fed the baby and changed the baby but still the little man kept on crying and crying.

“He just won’t stop,” he muttered helplessly.

“Did you wind him?” Ruth stepped closer, but not too close. “After you fed him, did you wind him?”

“I tried for a few minutes,” Arthur nodded. “But nothing came up so I stopped trying.”

“That’s probably your problem then,” she deduced. “He’s probably got trapped wind.”

Arthur nodded and gently hoisted the baby up so he was resting against his shoulder. While he rubbed and patted at the baby’s back, Ruth set some water on to boil and set down a steaming hot cup of tea down in front of her husband. Her heart lurched as she sat down opposite him and watched him wind the baby so gently and carefully. All she could think about was how it should have been their son in his arms.

“It’s not fucking working,” he huffed in frustration. “What if he hasn’t got any wind in there?”

“Trust me, he will have,” Ruth said, staring down into her cup so she wouldn’t have to look at Arthur holding the baby any longer.

“I need a piss,” he announced, looking at Ruth expectantly and holding out the baby even as she eyed him venomously. “Please, love. I’ll just be a few minutes and then I promise I’ll take him right back. Please.”

Indecision flittered across her face but with a reluctant sigh she took the crying baby. He had that newborn smell, and Ruth tried her hardest not to cry as Arthur hurried out of the room and up the stairs. She held the baby like one might hold a bomb that was about to explode but soon enough her natural maternal instincts won and she sat the baby upright on her lap, holding his head up with her hand beneath his chin. She might not want to hold him but she knew she couldn’t leave the poor mite writhing in agony the way he was. Using a trick that Polly had taught her when Ruby had been a baby, she used her the nails of her thumb and forefingers to draw train tracks up the baby’s spine. Immediately, the baby wriggled until his back was straightened of its own accord and when Ruth rubbed his back, he burped almost immediately.

The change in the infant was instantaneous and he fell into a contended sleep right there and then. Shifting him into a more comfortable position in the crook of her arm, Ruth tried her best not to look down at him but she couldn’t help herself. His cheeks were chubby and his brow was furrowed as though he had the weight of the world upon his newborn shoulders.

“He’s not crying,” Arthur appeared, bewilderment written across his face. “How the fuck did you manage that?”

“Magic,” she smiled sadly down at the baby.

She stood suddenly and all but shoved the little boy into Arthur’s arms.

“I’m going to bed now,” she muttered. “You’d best get some sleep before he wakes up for a feed again.”

But Arthur reached out and grabbed her gently by the arm before she could leave. The baby stirred and his bottom lip quivered before he let out a pathetic wail once more.

“I think he likes you more than me,” Arthur spoke, his soft tone matching the expression on his face as he looked at his wife.

“He’ll be fine with you, Arthur,” she whispered, even as the baby’s crying began to crumble her hardened resolve.

“Love,” he cupped her cheek tenderly. “Please take him back.”

“I can’t, Arthur,” Ruth cried, tears dribbling onto Arthur’s hand as they spilled from her eyes. “Don’t you understand? How can I hold him and feed him and do everything he needs without wishing it was our Gabriel instead? Do you remember when our son died? Do you remember that even after they took my womb out, my breasts still leaked milk for days? And do you remember how I cried because there would never be a baby feeding from me? Polly tried to make me use cabbage leaves to stop the milk from coming but I wouldn’t let her, and when the milk finally stopped coming of its accord it hurt so much. It hurt because that milk was all I had left to remind me of our boy and then it was gone, just like him. If I let myself look after this baby; if I let myself care for him, I don’t know how I would cope when we have to give him up again. I’ve already lost one baby and I can’t lose another. I can’t do it, Arthur.”

“Who says we have to give him back to anyone?” Arthur said fervently. “Why can’t we keep him here with us forever? I know what it did to you; losing our boy and losing your chance to have another baby ever again. I know what it did to me, and I wasn’t the one who carried our son and brought him into the world. So, if I hurt the way I do, then God fucking knows how much you hurt, Ruth. But this is our chance to be a family; this is our chance to be happy and I’m not willing to give it up. The question is are you?”

………………

“Mummy, look at me!”

Ruth looked up from the book she was reading and her face broke out into a grin when she saw Harry sat atop his father’s shoulders. Arthur’s eyes met hers and he winked before taking off running towards the other end of the garden with their young son laughing happily.

Tears pricked in the back of her eyes but this time they weren’t of sadness. No, she wasn’t sad anymore. She missed Gabriel more than anything in the world, but she knew irrevocably that her own angel in heaven had sent them another angel on earth in the form of the baby who had been abandoned on the doorstep of the children’s home those three years before.

One day, they would be reunited with Gabriel and they would hold him once more, but until then they would spend the rest of their lives nurturing and loving the precious gift he had sent them. The gift he had sent to ease their grief.

_The end._


End file.
